Intimacy is an important part of the relationship between spouses. In this respect, both have responsibilities toward one another. As an essential aspect of human nature (fiṭrah), any deficiency in this area may reach a level that could undermine the marital union. It also holds particular importance in safeguarding the spouses from improper external inclinations.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in a ḥadīth:
إِذَا الرَّجُلُ دَعَا زَوْجَتَهُ لِحَاجَتِهِ فَلْتَأْتِهِ وَإِنْ كَانَتْ عَلَى التَّنُّورِ
“When a man calls his wife for his need, she should come to him, even if she is at the oven.” (al-Tirmidhī, Riḍāʿ, 10)
The fact that the ḥadīth expresses this as a duty of the wife toward her husband is also based on the reality that, in most cases, the request comes from the husband while reluctance may arise from the wife. It should not be forgotten, however, that just as the husband has a right in this matter, the wife also has a right. The husband, in turn, must take this into consideration and should not compel his wife beyond her capacity.
Within reasonable bounds and to an extent that may be considered moderate, intimacy is a mutual right of both spouses. Where there is a right, there is a corresponding responsibility. Thus, consenting to intimacy within such reasonable limits constitutes a mutual responsibility between the spouses. Matters such as its measure and frequency may be discussed and agreed upon between them. In cases where issues such as reluctance or excessive desire arise on the part of either spouse, they may seek assistance from a family counselor. However, completely refraining from it—particularly when one’s spouse has an inclination toward it—is neither appropriate nor in accordance with human nature.